A Week to Myself

This past week was the first week that I have lived by myself. Clay got invited to go on an amazing cruise for the week with a good friend, so I dropped him off at the air port early Monday morning and won't pick him up until late Monday night.
The first two nights the Munn family was kind enough to let me stay with them. I was busy studying for my last final exam, so Clay being gone did not really sink in until I was walking out of class from my exam. My instinct was to grab my cell phone and call him to tell him that it was over and how I thought I did. It felt so strange not telling anyone about it. Sure, I could have called a friend or something, but that wasn't the same. No one else knew how hard that class was, no one else had gone to it it with me for my birthday, no one else would have been as excited and eager to celebrate with me as Clay.
Wednesday night was my first night at home alone. I went to work that day and then drove home. It was strange just going about my day without being in conversation with Clay. What if I just didn't go home? No one would know. Well, Trooper would know....but that isn't the same. I thought that maybe the freedom to go wherever and do whatever might be invigorating, but it was the opposite. It was paralyzing.
Then I realized that I have never really been alone.I started dating Clay while I was in high school. I went from being at my parent's house- to a dorm -and to being married. I was used to always having people around, and now that I was by myself it was as if I was no longer myself.
And then the Spirit began to start stirring within me, as He often does when I am alone with my thoughts. "You have gotten too dependent on comfort from being known by others Rhoda- don't you want to be known by your Father?" How true. 
I had been wrong earlier this week. Clay was not the only person who knew how hard my class was, or had been in the class with me, or was excited and eager to celebrate all my hard work. Jesus was there all along. I just didn't notice him because I was too busy being around people all the time. And I didn't hear His Spirit because I wasn't quiet or still long enough. "Be Still, and Know that I am God" should also say to me "Be Still and turn off the TV and the cell phone and the computer and the car, and know that I am God by talking with me, reading my words, worshipping me..." Everytime I have felt a little lonely or the urge to call Clay this week, I have tried to talk God instead. What a humbling week this has been. What a beautiful week this has been.
I am thankful God has given me a large family and a home that was always busy. I am thankful God gave Clay and I each other to grow up together, and for having things like Facebook to stay connected with family and friends who are far away. But as thankful as I am for all of these things, I have to ask myself if I have I turned these gifts from God into idols keeping me from Him?
Yep. I sure have.
What a gracious God I have who gently whispers to my anxious heart in the silence, when all these years I have turned His gifts into idols and not given Him my firstfruits. How is it that He pursues the unfaithful? Oh, to know and to be known by the Creator, lover, and redeemer of my soul!